December 2009
47 posts
“2009 can suck my dick”
– AntiKris (via antikris)
ONLY IF IT’S A MARGARITA.
My Sister's Otter Obsession Pays Off →
My sister is freakishly obsessed with otters and we’re not sure how/when it happened but all the same: homegirl loves otters. So, Christmas of 2007, her boyfriend decided to buy her two Otter puppets (which he brings to the major family functions, I should add) and wrote an article on the Christmas tie-in gift. It’s something I read every year because it’s not only hilarious, but...
New Year Survival Pack
Me: You need to bring a bag tonight because you wear purses and if I do that I'll look like a fucking idiot. Also, I tend to put things down and leave them when I drink.
Marie: Um, is that a request to bring a bag?
Me: Bag is crucial to this evening's survival.
Marie: Why?
Me: To transport our liquid happiness and to use it as a weapon if need be.
Marie: Jesus.
New Year's Eve, and why 2009 has BLOWN.
Even though tumblr is cluttered with Year In Reviews, Lists, and other memes, I still want to throw in my 2 cents on why 2009 (mostly) has blown gigantic donkey dick. First I dated a girl who basically checked out of our relationship due to fear, school and just generally being immature and having the social skills of a hypoglyciemic mouse. Then after boozing away my hatred of relationships and...
The One I Love
Oh Greg Laswell, you complete me:
i’m all packed up now early in the morning i’ll take my leave i’ll bring your words along with me maybe one day they will mean something for now they buzz and crumble down a little bit too easily from a time that i am not quite over what the hell is wrong with me i might be gone a little while i guess we’ll see i gotta make a...
The Case of the Secret Santa Chocolate (and bugs)
As a back story, I went to a holiday party at my good friends Juan and Dana’s in the East Village on Monday night and we all had a blast. We drank whatever was in the fridge, a bird was cooked, the mashed potatoes were EPIC (and normally, I don’t even LIKE garlic in my potatoes, but these were fucking tasty as hell) and there were baked apples, a thrown together apple crumb dessert,...
It's Always Sunny...
So, Kaitlin Olson (Sweet Dee) is married to Rob McElhenney (Mac) and Charlie is married to the chick who plays The Waitress outside of the show! Holy shit! How am I JUST NOW learning this?
The Jersey Shore Nickname Generator →
Mine wound up being L-Pow. When I clicked it again, it gave me “The Opportunity”.
Christmas Part 2
I’m heading back to the Eastern Shore again tomorrow, and will probably not be back until at least Monday/Tuesday. I want to avoid the stabby possibility of getting shoved into a window seat on Amtrak (which will be like 384986 hours late, just because there’s some dirty ass snow left on the tracks) next to either a REALLY hot woman (there was a 3 year stretch where that was the only...
A 2 Part Christmas
This Friday I’m headed back (again) to the Eastern Shore for part one of my Christmas family time. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Eastern Shore and every time I go I get a nice dose of great food, bonding, STARS (yeah, I know!) and a nice dose of good times. I’ll probably be baking my FACE off because I don’t have a kitchen here and well, even though I seem the opposite -...
12 Friends Every Woman Deserves →
jessicachu:
The friend who won’t let you be less than your best, even if you sometimes want to kick her.
The friend who’s spent the holidays with your parents, gotten drunk with your brother and lived through the dog-spaying incident of ‘92. She’s family.
The personal comedian, so hilarious that you dare not call her while driving.
The friend who’s a little bit evil—so entertaining!
A rich...
“My words will never suffice to describe the Summer, they will ruin themselves...”
– Laurin McNiff (old prose, or not so old)
Blogging Flashback →
Back when I used to blog for The Tragically Unhip, I wrote some shit that when I look back on it now - I really miss writing for them. However, that ship has basically gone under. It’s barely updated now but click that link and read what I used to write. Your thoughts?
Are you there Vodka? It's me, Laurin.
baxterp2:
My last post just reminded me that I bought lychee juice last weekend in order to make lychee martinis at some point. Maybe that’ll be the incentive to get people to come over and get in front of my camera. A lot easier to make than whiskey slush, that’s the truth.
I’m down for photos and martinis!
“Keep fuckin’ that chicken.”
Is it wrong..
…that seeing the total trashyness of Staten Island portrayed in reality tv makes me smile from the depths of a crappy breakup?
Desserts at Deity →
This place can’t be real. If it is, I’m going TOMORROW.
Reports from the Front
I once had a conversation with someone about relationships and their endings that I found to be metaphorically and figuratively accurate. When discussing the things that occur when I relationship ended the other person had likened it to a piece she was writing called “Winning the Cold War”. I found it to be an amazing analogy to what we go through in a break up.
There’s the...
Rally
I’ll be in Times Square to protest then out for drinks if we don’t get arrested for being gay. Meet up with us.
Flavors.me is Up! →
Ladies and gentlemen, your eight New York State...
ohhleary:
Virtually nothing fails on the Senate floor, but their colleagues asked for a floor vote so their ignorance could be documented.
Sen. Joseph Addabbo Jr. Sen. Darrel Aubertine Sen. Ruben Diaz, Sr. Sen. Shirley Huntley Sen. Carl Kruger Sen. Hiram Monserrate Sen. George Onorato Sen. William Stachowski
You know what’s even more sickening? These aren’t DINOs representing...
Marriage Equality Act fails 24-38.
drunkbrunch:
A lot of emotion in our office right now. And some jokes.
Coworker to their longtime partner: “So should we stay together?”
Partner: “Well, if we broke up now, I wouldn’t have to hire a divorce lawyer in order to get the apartment!”
Well done New York, well done. At least you gave me a job, I just can’t get married.
If any of you are fans of the film Amelie and...
OKCupid Goes Blind But Exes Still Blow
So last night as you all know I got THE phone call I had been waiting for: to work for US Census Bureau here in NY. Naturally, everyone rejoiced and I went out to drink my freedom from constant fear of possibly needing to move out of New York. I will be here until 9/25/2010 at the minimum with this job, possible extension or other position within Census.
I went out and met up with some friends...